#i was so anxious because i didn't realise i will have to have a camera on. todays pj i was sporting when i learned that is a gag gift

[nerime]

guess who forgot to unmute herself on a meeting BC of anxiety and when asked and unmuted said "oops boomer moment" to a room. full of boomers. ✌️😭

[goodolddumbbanana]

Can I hear more of your thoughts on toxic yaoi sun and dark sun please?

Hehe... Saying Sun x Dark Sun in toxic yaoi mode but actually, it is not that bad and horrible.

Okay... So... You know how often the people who are closest to you will bring out the best and worst sides of you?

In my toxic yaoi timeline, Sun kinda joined Dark Sun because he has hurt Moon badly (again, accidentally, because Moon's Killcode activated again), and even Earth (accidentally) because she has said something hurtful to Sun (not her fault, she just got triggered by Nexus and thinks Sun will end up exactly the same like him)

Anyway, Sun will feel so ashamed of himself and run away, like he couldn't believe he can control himself without hurting people.

He feels like he is the poison, that whatever he touches just splashes everywhere.

Dark Sun just innocently comes to check on Sun, you know, just to see how he is doing.

Then he asks Sun to come with him. I mean, technically, he said He will give Sun two options,

1. Get out of this dimension and Sun would never be found by anyone he doesn't want. (But Dark Sun)

Or 2. Come with him, and he will help Sun to not get hurt like that anymore. Because Sun helps Sun.

Sun chose option 2. (a momentary decision but he can't take it back anymore)

So because it is his own choice and his own fault (nobody blames him, they only want him to go home but Sun didn't know it. ), Sun will be very needy but conflicted to Dark Sun.

(awkwardly doing everything like a lost dog to get Dark Sun attention for most of the moments, but then feel nervous and hostile of Dark Sun for what he does, what he is planning.)

Because how he lost control of his temper leading him to hurt people he cares about or just simply he is tired of people's crap but Sun will have a hard time to distinguish whether he likes Dark Sun or he just needs Dark Sun because he is lonely.

He doesn't know if he is this loyal to Dark Sun (he will follow Dark Sun blindly) because there is no way left for him, or Dark Sun is right and is his friend. (They share a lot of similarities, their interests, their everything...)

There will be a heavy imbalance of power between the two.

And they will have a lot of moments when Sun will get irritated and argue back to Dark Sun (stand up to Dark Sun) but then Sun will immediately shut down and apologize desperately afterwards because Sun only has Dark Sun left...

And Dark Sun... Oh boy...

On the positive side, He secretly likes having a little tail tagging along, hearing his voice get rambling out, and having someone pushing his ego.

He is Sun also, so even though he likes being alone, he can't stand being lonely. Furthermore, Dark Sun won't mind Sun's stuttering or anxious behaviour. He will Sun stronger, more relying on himself.

But on the down path...

He will become very possessive.

He will decide for Sun where he sleeps, where he charges, where he cleans. Because Sun is his belongings, he will want to know everything Sun did or does, and control Sun literally at that.

There will be a lot of Moon's traits slipping up from Dark Sun that even he didn't realise. (Controlling, possessive, manipulated... He even made Sun into his experience, his bodyguard, all due to the reason he is curious and he likes to see how it goes. He will lie even at himself that all the things he did was to help Sun protect himself , though)

He likes Sun, he misses being Sun, but he also hates Sun for being the person he used to be.

So although Dark Sun will treat Sun well for most of the time, but then, there will be these times when he literally likes switching up his attitude. Being indifferent, cold, cruel at Sun without any reason to let Sun beg for his attention.

(He will still pull some stunt to test Sun's loyalty.

He will let Sun see Sun's celestial family on camera, reminds Sun sometimes that they still want Sun, still finds Sun and asks Sun lightly if he wants to see them again or not.

But he will also remind Sun of what happens, of how Sun snapped.

It is not manipulation if it is true, right?

Dark Sun will throw Sun back to his doorstep, his dimension to watch Sun begging him to take Sun back to their home.)

(And sometimes, when he is both in his nice and angry mood, he will let or forcedsSun kill some Moon and let he grieve for these people Sun killed.)

And you might think Sun might get hacked , brainwashed or something... Nope. Nothing... Dark Sun does not even lock the door, or have a plan B in the case if Sun betrayed him.

No. They have some seriously sick twisted trust between them that even if Sun holds a knife at Dark Sun's throat at the night when Dark Sun lowers his guard, Dark Sun will still continue to sleep.

He believes Sun would never betray him, and never can.

And some sad path, he is true, as long as Sun still holds the idea that no one wants him but Dark Sun.

Haha, funny right?

Also, I would like to think whenever Sun has any doubts, Dark Sun will just show him Nexus or every Moon being the asshole at the moment, or how Earth still needs to be repaired....

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Angst/Depressing/Death(?)

Penelope's Brother Reader x The gang (platonic)

Reader has been struggling with major paranoia ever since he received a letter from an anonymous source stating that his sister would be killed if he didn't work on a case by himself to save the anonymous source from a mob of crazy murderers and contains all the details about Penelope's address. This source turns out to be the unsub that the FBI are working on capturing and the "mob" is the gang. Reader doesn't realise it until its too late. He's standing in front of the gang, protecting the unsub knowing that if the unsub dies or betrayed, a bomb that is in Penelope's office will go off. He has a hard choice to make: save his sister and kill the gang, or betray the unsub and kill his sister

(You can choose how it plays out. Does the reader die? Does the bomb go off? Does Penelope get injured and reader try killing himself for it? Though I would prefer Penelope to be alive. Ain't no one killing dat baddass gal)

I tried my best with this, but I'm not sure how I feel about what I've written lol

Warnings: threats, guns, explosives, gun shot wound, explosion

Word count: 1482

The letter had sat on your keyboard when you walked to your desk in the morning. You opened it, thinking nothing of it. Until various photo of Penelope had fallen out and then you read the letter. Read the threat against your sister's life and the warnings issued out to you. That if you told anyone, he'd kill her, with strict instructions to meet him at a warehouse today at 1pm. You stuffed the letter into your pocket and looked around cautiously. The five minutes it took Penelope to come in that morning felt like an eternity.

When she did it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Penelope gives you a curious look as she begins to head to her Bat Cave, “Wait!” When Penelope looks at you, you give a grin, “Why don’t you work out here today?”

“Because all my computers are in my office?” Penelope answered, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re acting weird.”

“Nah, everything’s all good,” You answer with a shrug, “Oh, hey, I misplaced my hard drive, can you show me how to access the camera’s in here so I can find where I put it?”

She gives you a strange look before

“Right, now I need to go set up my office,”

“But-”

“Never mind,” She sighed, “We have a case.” You breathed a sigh of relief, she wouldn’t go in her office just yet. Maybe you could sneak in and check it before she went in. She went into the round table room whilst you waited in the bullpen, sending the team into the round table room as they walked in.

With everyone now in, you made your way into the room as Penelope began to explain the case. The case was local, no jet needed. You treat the case as normal, telling Penelope to avoid spots she usually goes to, take different routes, work from the briefing room, anything out of the ordinary in hopes it’ll keep her safe. Penelope looks at you like you’ve grown a second head but just nods.

“Sir, can I talk to you?” You furrow your eyebrows as Penelope approaches Hotch.

“Pen, everything okay?” You ask, your anxiety bleeding through your voice.

She gives you a smile and a wink, “Always baby brother,”

When she’s out of your vision, you can’t help but be anxious, you know logically she’s safe with Hotch but you can’t help the worry.

“There’s something going on with (Y/N),” Penelope sighs, “It’s like he’s paranoid,”

Hotch furrows his eyebrows, “Do you have any idea what might be bringing this on?”

Penelope shakes her head, “I have no idea.” She replies, “He’s telling me to change my routine, go to different coffee shops, use different routes, things like that.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“He says nothing’s wrong.” Hotch pauses for a moment before nodding.

“Alright, I’ll check in on him,” Hotch says, Penelope nods, thanking him before leaving the room.

When you see Penelope leaving the room, you look at your computer scene, acting like you haven’t been watching them to make sure everything was okay.

“Oh, did you manage to find your USB?” Penelope asked as she approached you.

“What? Oh! Yeah,” You give an unconvincing smile as you turned back to the screen.

When the time rolls around, you take your lunch break, making your way to the destination. Looking back on it now, you kicked yourself. It really should have been obvious. But you didn’t make the connection until you’re standing in front of the man who sent the letter, he gives you a smirk and it clicks. You realise it’s the unsub. You close your eye as you sigh deeply, your head whips round when you hear the door open and multiple footsteps. The gang that was trying to kill him, you stand in front of him, protecting him (and finding yourself in disbelief that you’re actually protecting this monster). And then to make it worse, the team filter in. And now, you’re stood in front of the unsub, two groups aiming their guns in your direction: the team, and the gang the unsub had pissed off.

"(Y/N), come on man," Derek started, "We don’t know what’s going on but just put the gun down and step out of the way."

Not taking your eyes off the gang, you shake your head, "No, no. You don't understand, I can't."

The teak watch the unsub in confusion as he slowly starts to smirk. "What don't we understand?" Hotch asks.

The unsubs breath tickles your throat as he whispers, "If you tell them, I'll set it off now."

"I-Its complicated," You try. "I can't tell you."

"Why can't you tell us?" Spencer asks.

"I-" You don't finish, not knowing what to say.

"Because I'll kill her," The unsub behind you chimes in and panic shoots through your stomach.

"Who?" Morgan asks.

"What was her name?" The unsub sighs, "Oh, that's it! Penelope Garcia."

You watch as the team go rigid, you know you're going to get a Lecture From Hell when you see Hotch's facial expression. You knew you should have told someone, you knew you should have reported it immediately. But common sense goes out the window the minute someone threatens your sister. What were you supposed to do? Just risk her life like that? No. You kept it quiet, begged her not to use her office, to stay at your place, anything and everything you could think of. You made her go to different coffeeshops, change her routine, you drove her into work. Anything you could think of.

"(Y/N), I need you to put the gun down and step away from him. Now." Hotch's voice is clear, unwavering.

You shake your head. No. You weren't going to risk her like that. If they wanted you to move, they'd have to shoot you. "I won't give you the codes to save her," The unsub taunts in your ear. "You know I'm not playing around here, (Y/N), use your brain."

"Hotch, I'm not risking it."

"(Y/N), we've profiled this guy," Morgan said, "We know he's not the type to do something like this."

"I'm not risking her, Morgan!" You snap, your eyes flicking to Morgan for a moment before turning back to the ground of men in front of you. Your finger moved a centimetre closer to the trigger as the man at the front twitched.

"Don't be stupid," Rossi chimed.

"Remember what the letter said, Agent," The Unsub mocks quietly, "You have to kill them for her to live."

You close your eyes, trying to calm yourself down. You didn't want to be here. You wanted to be at the office, making sure Penelope was as far away from her Bat Cave as possible.

When you open your eyes, the leader of the gang shifts forward slightly. You're struggling to think, hearing the team ordering you to drop the gun, the unsub whispering to kill him or let your sister be killed. Its all too much and your finger inches closer to the trigger.

Hotch makes a decision, he aims for your arm and shoots. The moment you stumble to the side from impact, the gang leader has shot the unsub. He's now on the floor next to you, blood soaking through your clothes. Your hand covering the wound you ignore the pain and scramble up.

"No, no, no, no, no," You mutter, watching as he stops breathing. "Oh god..." You look up, meeting eyes with the man that shot him. "You got her killed. You got her fucking killed!" You're stumbling forward, unaware of your actions, and Morgan's head pops into view. It takes a moment to realise he's stopping you from getting to the man, when it does, you struggle. Unfortunately, you are no match for Derek Morgan when it comes to strength and he easily pushes you back and out of the room.

Half an hour later, you're stitched up and are all heading back to the office, you know you're going to get a minimum of 3 hours of lectures but you can't bring yourself to care. Your only thoughts on Penelope.

You get there as the bomb team arrive (which you find weird because surely they should arrive faster if its an FBI building?), but you don't question it. Instead, you convince your way into the office, to make sure everything is okay. Everything has to be okay. Penelope was okay, you knew that much. You had made Derek stay with her. She'd be okay with Derek with her.

Half an hour later, you breathed a sigh of relief, they had stopped the clock. It was disarmed. You let your shoulders relax, making your way out of the room to let the team know. Hearing a click, you furrowed your eyebrows, turning around, before everything went black.

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image IDs: Tumblr tags. Image #1: #i literally had auditory hallucinations from age 5 to 15 #when i started getting mental health resources and put on an antipsychotic is when they stopped #it would cause me distress but i was brushed off so much

Image #2: #Yeah looking back I had my first panic attack when I was eight and it was brutal. Like asked the office to cal my parents brutal #and fuck man phobias are an anxiety disorder and fairly common in kids. I've had a severe limiting phobia since I was *two* #it just wasn't seen as important to anyone because it was such a rare phobia

Image #3: #I thought being as anxious as I was was a normal thing and everyone had panic attacks every night before bed

Image #4: #the Mental Illness set in when i was 10 (and my ass definitely had undiagnosed anxiety well before then) #but i didn't get diagnosed with anything until i was 17 or 18 and didn't get seriously treated until in my 20s

Image #5: my mom was mentally ill as a child #took her til 18 to get treatment #i was also a mentally ill child but my bipolar didnt show up properly til i was 13 #still young though and i wouldn't get diagnosed til 21 because no one would listen to me til i tried to cut off my finger in a manic ep #then they were like yah u have bipolar disorder type I rapid cycling. enjoy

Image #6: #yeah. my first attempt was at 7 years old. #somewhat comforting to know i wasnt alone

Image #7: #i was diagnosed with depression at 11-12 #the doctor said i'd clearly been suffering with it for a while at that point #my first panic attack was at around 6-7 #that's also roughly when i first started experiencing psychotic symptoms #turns out it's not normal for a child to think they're constantly being followed by invisible cameras or needing to inspect their food #in case of poisoning #keep an eye on your kids' mental health #Especially if mental illnesses run in your family

Image #8: #my depression was unironically at its worst point in my life when I was 11 years old #my mom said i was just being grumpy because we had moved recently

Image #9: this reminds me of developing schizophrenic at age 7 but not getting help for it until i was 15/16 and even then trying to get help for that #issue in particular was trying to pull teeth out with a cup of water #it was painful and i am still more than a little furious that it took almost a decade for my doctors to realize that i was sick #sorry for venting in the tags im just- we need to listen to kids more in general

Image #10: #also when you're an undiagnosed child people will chalk your behaviours up to personality #then when you continue to feel like shit into your teens and adulthood you and those around you may not realise (or believe you) #a new checkpoint for normality is set at such a young age #so something drastic has to happen to convince anyone that something is wrong #speaking from personal experience with my ed and c-ptsd

Image #11: #yep. have been anxious since i was very small and started having extremely frequent suicidal ideation at 10 #didn't get help for another 9 years after that #in part bc i learnt early that i was Not Allowed to have mental health problems. i was the baby. i was the Good One Without Problems. #so i learnt very well to internalize everything

Image #12: #i wonder what my life would be like if i got depression an anxiety treatment when they started #i think my depression started when i was around 9. i genuinely dont think there was a time i didnt have anxiety #like im not joking my first memories are anxiety #wouldve been great if they noticed the root cause (autism) but honestly if they just treated the anxiety itself #id probably be so much better. grieving the childhood i couldve had etc

Image #13: #i've spent most of my life suicidal with no improvement and nobody has ever taken me seriously #which i think has pretty effectively ruined my life

Image #14: #ya as someone whose earliest (that i remember) psychotic symptom was when i was 9? who still doent have a diagnosis at 21? #it's so annoying that no one.. listens. when a kid is mentally ill. #my friends thought i was just really creative at playing pretend which. was not helpful lol. for my mental health.

Image #15: #oh yeah i started showing symptoms of depression at age 10 and i was actively suicidal by the time i was like 11 #kids arent immune to mental illness you just want to Think that they are

Image #16: #yeah i had depression for quite literally as long as i can recall

Image #17: #yeah i.....i had anxiety since i was maybe 6 and used to have really bad panic attacks #probably had ptsd since i was 8 or 9

Image #18: #i should have been diagnosed with something at the age of five and i mean this without a shred of irony #hell even if you waited until i was nine! (when the symptoms became Much more apparent) #normal children do not have deep seated fears about the light being on in the hallway at night #nor do they write thinly veiled poems about suicide #and those two alone should have warranted some exploration by the adults in my life

Image #19: #yeah im lucky my parents got me help. However. They diagnosed me with depression. and gave me. epression medicine. When I was having anger #outburts. They took me out of it years later and very little changed

Image #20: #i started experiencing psychosis at the ripe old age of 8 #(well. that was wgen i had my first delusional episode. its likely i had experienced psychosis before then.)

Image #21: #some of my earliest memories were of trying to poison myself /End IDs]

There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.

There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.

Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.

I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.

I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.

But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.

Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.

Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.

[hiraethenthusiast]

"I love you most."| t.h.

pairing: actor!tom x reader

warnings: floof attack.

synopsis: tom gives you the best wedding you could've gotten. he's in love with you madly, that's what he says.

a/n: guess who wants this? i do. i absolutely adore a loving husband no matter what, and i adore heartfelt gifts even more! i hope you all like this fic, this one's really close to me! tpwk everyone!

listen to clinton kane's i guess i'm in love

--------------------------------------------------------------

“So do you, Y/N Y/L/N take Tom as your lawfully wedded husband?” The priest asks you while you and Tom look at him with impatience in your eyes.

“I do.” You say, making everyone cheer and making Tom smile.

“And do you Tom Ho-” “I do!” He shouts before the priest could even complete his sentence, making everyone at the altar erupt into laughs.

“Let him finish bubba” You laugh along, signalling the priest to go on when Tom mutters a small ‘sorry’ to him.

“Do you, Tom Holland, take Y/N Y/L/N as your lawfully wedded wife?” He asks again, while Tom looks at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

“I do.” And everyone cheers once again, and you gently squeeze his hand.

“So I shall now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The priest says lastly before getting off the stage and as if on queue, Tom sweeps you under his arms and holds your waist before pressing his lips to yours. The moment was wholeheartedly content, his and your parents, both with tears in their eyes, even Paddy and Harry shed a few, because the moment was so pure to just not cry at. Tom kisses you as if he was the luckiest man on Earth, like he had achieved something which he thought he could never. He pulls back to look at you beaming with the biggest smile he’s seen on you in years, and smiles to himself once again.

This was the best day of both of your lives till now, and there was no doubt about it.

After 4 years of being together, Tom finally proposed to you, and then forgot where he kept the ring, but you couldn’t care less because the man you were in love with was now, going to be a forever favourite in your lives. And today, he was now your husband from your fiance, and you couldn’t be anymore happier.

You both settle down after roaming from one place to another greeting every guest that had attended your wedding, finally for a drink and some food. Harrison sits right behind you, completing the duties of best man with all his will, and you smile at him. The twins and Paddy come in a bit later, but your eyes are looking for someone else. Where’s Tom? Your question was answered when you hear the clinking of a glass, just to find your handsome husband there.

“May I have your attention please?” He looks directly at you and you blow him a kiss, him pretending to catch it making everyone laugh. Actors.

“Thank you all for attending and being a part of our very wonderful day, I swear you guys are our favourite people” He says while chuckling.

“Today is the day I married my wonderful and stunning lover, Y/N and in recognition of that, I decided to give you the best gift of this evening.” He says, making you wonder what he got for you.

“I remember when Y/N once told me that she always loves heartfelt and handmade gifts filled with love more than people buying her the gift of her choice. She likes the element of surprise, as she likes to say. So Y/N my darling, I thought you might notice and scold me for it but you didn’t, not even once in this 4 year old relationship, and trust me this is going to shock you. I’ve managed to record every important and goofy moment of our lives, from falling on a staircase to the time I proposed to you, I have it all. I’ve compiled them into one sweet video for you, while your favourite singer of them all, Mr. Clinton Kane sings a song for us! Please give him a huge round of applause!” You jerk your head to the place where Clinton enters from, and he waves at you making you wave instinctively as well.

You look back again towards Tom, who was smiling sweetly at your little fangirl moment and continues.

“I’d also like to thank Harrison and Harry for helping me edit this video, because I’m literally so dumb without anyone of these four with me.”

“Can you put the lights out and start the video please?” He asks one of the workers there at the venue, and jogs up to sit down beside you, giving you a small peck while you take a hold of his hand.

And on queue, the lights are dimmed and the video starts to play. You can hear the faint strumming of the guitar that Clinton is currently playing, but you aren’t able to identify the song just yet. You look ahead towards the screen, and your eyes light up when you see Tom dressed up in his wedding tuxedo, you finally realising that this bit was filmed just a few hours ago.

“Hello my lovely wife! Well, I’m filming this part before the ceremony starts but I think I’m pretty certain on showing you this video after we’re married. This was...boring. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the video my love, and don’t hit me when we get home! I love you so so so much, enjoy!” He says before shutting off his camera, while everyone laughs at his goofiness and you glare at him playfully. The video rolls again and you look forward, but suddenly realise the song. It’s ‘I Guess I’m In Love’, you say to yourself. Tom had proposed to you after a few days when the song came out, and somehow on the night of him proposing, this song was played. You labelled it ‘our song’ and he happily obliged. 

“Haz hold the camera correctly for god's sake...” You hear your husband’s voice and move your head towards the screen, smiling brightly.

“Oh I’m obsessed. With the way your head is laying on my chest.” Clinton starts, immediately soothed by the presence of your lover and the melody in your ears.

“I am holding the camera nicely mate bugger off! Nikki taught me well!” Harrison says in the background making everyone giggle.

“She’s coming shut up” 

“What’s this Tom?” You ask him, as he looks at you like a kid in love.

“Y/N”

“Tom” You say in the same manner, feeling anxious by the second.

“So we’ve been dating for 4 years and trust me those have been the most beautiful four years of my life. I know this is so out of the blue, but Y/N Y/L/N, will you do the favour of marrying the person who loves you immensely? A.k.a. Tom?" He says and you laugh. You hold on for a few seconds, looking in his eyes which were filled with desperation.

"Yes" You say and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. He can't stop beaming and searches for the ring in his pocket, only to find out that he didn't have it.

"Oh I'm a mess. When I overthink the little things in my head."

"I have the ring I promise." He says, moving frantically.

"Tom-"

"I swear I kept the ring in my pocket-"

"Tom-"

"How can I be this stupid you probably don't want to marry me anymore-"

"TOM!" He jerks his head towards you as you shout his name.

"It's okay. I just want you right now." You say and he immediately hugs you, the tightest of them all.

The clip ends and you knew the tears were coming very soon, Tom senses the action and rubs your knuckles., giving you a hearty smile.

The second clip rolls in soon, your eyes brightening almost instantly.

"You seem to always help me catch my breath. But then I lose it again, when I look at you, that's the end."

"Why the hell are we on the top of the Eiffel Tower? And why do you want your phone to crash?" You ask him, while he struggles to make a video with his phone while the winds roar at the top of the monument.

"Because I want to remember this moment!" He shouts, making you smile even more.

"My goof"

"Your goof"

"You're lucky I love you"

"I wouldn't have it any other way darling" He says and gives you a quick peck on the lips, this moment too pure to realise.

"Why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes? And butterflies can't stop me falling for you."

"Now we may invite, a very handsome young lad, who happens to be Spiderman, Mr. Tom Holland!" Harry shouts in the video, while you all pretended to have a grand gala when you couldn't attend Tom's premiere.

He walks in wearing a black tuxedo, his shirt buttons open from the top, looking dashing.

"Thank you for inviting Harold, but please, call the star of today's night." Tom says, making everyone groan about how in love he was with you.

"Patience Thomas. Now may I present, the queen of today's night, Ms. Y/N Y/L/N!" Everyone applauds as you walk down the stairs as you hear your name. You reach the door wearing a red and black dress, the clothing complementing your body more than ever. Everyone seems to keep clapping but your attention is towards that one dummy, who's standing like he's seen a ghost.

"..Oh wow." He's speechless, and everyone knows it. You blush at your boyfriend's gesture and nudge him in the shoulder, as a signal to stop staring.

"I hope you all understand that I scored a jackpot, thank you" He sees and everybody laughs.

You laugh along with the other guests, remembering the faint memory from over two years back. This was one of the most fun nights you've had with Tom. While you laugh at the clip, all Tom can do is stare at you in awe. How did he get so lucky, he thinks. He watches how your face glows when you see someone happy on the screen. He truly was blessed.

"And darling this is more than anything I've felt before. You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find. Someone who was worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak. But I know now I've found the one I love."

"Please don't go" You sniffle on Tom's shoulder, asking him to stay one last time before his flight leaves for Atlanta.

"If it was in my hands darling I'd never leave your side." He says, trying to hold back tears.

"It's okay, I understand." You say, pulling back and clearing your throat.

"Awh Y/N please don't cry." Tom tries to persuade his emotions by telling you to stop, but a tear falls down his cheeks in an instant.

"I'm sorry." You say, chuckling lightly, making Tom chuckle too.

"I'll be back before you know it."

"I know you will be"

"Please board the flight for Atlanta which leaves at 1330 hours" The flight attendant announces, and you know it's time to let him go.

"Come back home to me soon okay?" You say, wiping your tears.

"As soon as possible"

"I love you" He says.

"I love you more."

"I love you most." You can't argue with that now.

"Bye bubba" You say, giving him one last kiss, a very long one indeed, that left you both searching for oxygen.

"Bye darling" And he leaves to board his flight. You look in the same direction until he disappears and you turn around.

"Harrison, are you crying?"

"No-" He sniffles and you laugh.

You knew you were going to cry as soon as you saw the location. This was one of the hardest moments of your life, letting your lover go away from you for so long, and you weren't ready for that. You wiped your tears while Tom rubbed your hand with one of his, the other cleaning his tear stained face. You look back to see Harrison crying once again, and you laugh a bit at him before giving him your hand for comfort. He really was the best man. You blow a kiss to your family and Tom's, who were currently high on emotions. Even the brothers had tears in their eyes. You really did get the best family.

"And I love the way. You can never find the right things to say. And you can't sit still an hour in the day. I'm so in love, let's run away because us is enough."

The rest of the video were some clips of you and Tom being goofy and so in love, which were a delight to watch. The song played in the background, adding its own special touch, which was necessary to bind this moment together. All these moments which Tom managed to shoot secretly were a lifelong reminder of how much your person loved you. He loved you.

And that is all you need.

The video gets over and Tom looks at you with puppy eyes.

"So, how was it?"

"You're the reason my makeup is ruined and I have mascara stains" You say, laughing while crying.

"That good, huh?"

"That good." You say and he pulls you in for a hug and kisses your forehead.

"I love you bubba"

"I love you more" He says, kissing your cheek.

"I love you most." 

He couldn't argue with that.

"But I know now I've found the one I love."

--------------------------------------------------------------

tagging some friends who'd like to read!

@evanssimpybaby @hollandsmushroom @tomsoxytocin @scarletspideyy @leafy-holland @t-lostinworlds

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

I blame you sunshine anon for this sin I'm committing.

Armin having a crush on you while you're with Eren hc

{ Armin x reader, implied Eren x reader | tw:possessive tw:unhealthy-friendships, tw:lowkey-toxic tw:jealousy | pinning, angst, drama, thirst | modern }

{ "The pool by the garden gate" by Thomas Edwin Mostyn 1864-1930 }

You met outside the library, he's was looking forward to relaxing after a long day with his new stack of books he just checked out, too lost in his own daydreams that he didn't see where he was going when bumping into you.

Quick to apologise, he helped you up. Instead of getting mad you chuckled at his clumsiness after he explained what caused him to not pay attention, and for some reason the sound of your laughter made his heart just beat a bit faster.

Summoning all the courage he's been building up, he invited you to the nearby cafe, his treat.

Armin doesn't do well with strangers nor small talk but by whatever miracle, talking to you at that cafe didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Listening to you talk about the weather while sipping on his strawberry milkshake was actually quiet nice, your voice was quiet nice.

He thought you were quiet nice and lovely.

The two of you ended up exchanging numbers after that, he went home that day with a little more bounce to his steps and a little more curl to his smile.

You ended up texting all night. And by the end of the week, you've managed to keep a streak of daily texts and calls despite your busy schedule. He listened to every voice message, he reread every sweet text, he admired every picture you sent.

And by the second week, the two of you agreed to meet again. So he took you to the nearby beach, you had a nice walk, collected some really pretty seashells and shared an ice cream and he was enjoying every second of it.

By the third week, you called him at 3am for a really important reason. He listened to you despite how tempting sleep was, he was understanding and compassionate, he managed to relate to your worries and calm them at the same time.

Despite it being around 5am when the call ended, he found himself not really minding it or even bothered by it, because it was you.

And by the end of the month, when the two of you drove to a farm to pick up fruits together, he realised how deeply in love with you he has fallen.

You couldn't look more perfect under the sun with a basket full of strawberries if you tried. You looked like an angel in his mind.

He was in love, and every thing you did together just made him fall more and more for you.

You went on walks together, he got you into playing chess and you introduced him to your hobbies.

Hanging out with him was the most comfortable, you'd listen to music while each of you did their own thing. Maybe even watch a murder mystery movie or two after and trying to guess who the killer is together.

Day by day it only got better, it was going good..no scratch that, it was going great actually. He's never felt so in rhythm with someone before, so comfortable to be his true self while still trusting you wouldn't judge him.

So he decided to push things to the next level, he wanted you in his life and to tell you how he felt. It's been three months since you've met and so far you've showed nothing but green flags.

That's when he decided to confess, but before that he had to introduce you to his friends, the most people he cares about in one room! What could possibly go wrong?

Everything, apparently.

More specifically, introducing you to Eren, the biggest mistake of his life.

Because instead of the usual teasing Armin would get for being late to his friend's house or texting them less frequently, It was Eren getting the teasing.

The only difference is, Eren had no shame, he didn't feel a need to justify himself for hogging all your time, for ditching the plans he makes with Mikasa and Armin just because you called.

If anything Eren had all the audacity to pull you to sit beside him whenever they hang in a group, or to just casually wrap his hand around your shoulder, even interrupting your conversations with Armin just so he can tell a joke to make you laugh.

And that turned into Eren being the one driving you back home despite Armin bringing you here.

Somehow and for whatever reason, Eren seemed to latch on to you. Taking you to movies, late night drives with him, even introducing you to his mom.

Armin likes to think the best of his friends, and Eren is his childhood friend, even his first ever friend. So you can't blame him for hoping Eren would read between the lines and take a fucking hint.

Eren had to know, he had to. But he's a good friend, he wouldn't steal someone Armin made it clear he's interested in right.

....right?

1am, Armin has been sitting up in bed for a while, he can't sleep. The project he's been working on is doesn't want to work out right and Armin is slowly losing patience with the deadline creeping over.

He doesn't even realise how long he's been lost over-thinking in his head till the laptop's screen turns black and goes into sleep mode, he stares at his tired reflection.

He feels lost and stuck at the same time, he closes his eyes and tries to clear his mind.

You pop into his mind, he glances at the phone for a good minute before dialling your number.

It rings, and rings, he's getting anxious.

It's alright, he tells himself, this isn't the first time he called you late at night, you actually called him at really late times too so what is he stressing about.

Why is there a feeling of dread in his chest.

The ringing stops, you pick up and for a second he seems to light up a bit.

except it wasn't you who picked up the phone.

It was Eren, answering him from your phone, sounding like he just woke up.

At 1am.

And it was Eren walking around with hickies on his neck the next day.

Armin felt emotions he never thought he'd ever feel towards his best friend when he got out of the shower that day, marks and hickies littering his skin.

Very, very ugly emotions.

Mikasa asks what is Eren getting ready for when he begins dressing up fancier than usual. "Date with y/n" was all he said before leaving

Armin still swears Eren looked at him with a knowing look just before he left.

He tried to reason with himself that it probably wouldn't last long, Eren is either messing with him intentionally or it's just a fling that's taking too long right?

...right?

It's been 6 fucking months, Armin has been counting.

And you're still with Eren, and he's still just as clingy and possessive as when you first met. Apparently the honeymoon phase wasn't a phase because he still insists you only sit near him, he still acts like you're the only two in the room with little regard to what's socially appropriate.

Armin internally cringes whenever Eren wraps his arm around your waist, or puts his hand on your thigh.

His stomach turns whenever Eren whispers something in your ear, his fingers dig in his palm whenever you look away flustered and slighly red after that.

He's not jealous, he tells himself while scrolling through the third picture Eren posted of you on his story, you're laying on his bed, his head on your thighs as he looks at the camera with smug eyes.

Armin almost cracks his phone screen.

"It was supposed to be me" he thinks each time Eren pulls you for a kiss simply because he felt like it.

It was supposed to be him surprising you with a gift on valentine's day, it was supposed to be him kissing your neck after getting a little too drunk, and now it's Eren doing it instead.

It was supposed to be him...it was never supposed to be Eren, it's not fair, he knew you first.

It was supposed to be beach trips and funfair dates, it was supposed to be reading books together and watching mystery movies, just you and Armin.

Not fucking Eren.

why, why would this happen to him? He was going to confess to you, he even prepared a letter and date plans and everything.

It's not fair how much it hurts, how much he misses you.

He knew you first, he wanted you and goddammit he still does even with you dating his bestfriend, he still wants you with every part of his body and mind.

And it eats him up at night, the guilt and bad thoughts of knowing just how wrong it is to wish Eren and you would just break up already, to wish he could just swoop in and take you from his arms.

It's a constant cycle of feeling high on love, feeling anger and then feeling the crushing guilt.

[hugespace]

Therapy helps rhett realize that all of those "I'm dead" UFC moves were actually just a way to fulfill his need for physical intimacy at a time in his life where he didn't feel it was acceptable to ask for it, especially from another man. Now that they're both adults and completely different people than they were in college, rhett decides it's time to explain it all to link and let him know that he actually misses that physical contact with him.

It took me a really long while, but I finally finished this one! I really loved that prompt, so thank you so much for giving it to me, lovely Anon. I was initially going to write it as a platonic/romantic friendship kinda story, but it seems I'm determined to write a hundred different first kiss + feelings realisation scenarios, I simply enjoy those way too much.

*** 2,5K ***

Let me hold you

He’s done it again.

Not so long ago, Rhett promised himself not to bring it up in front of cameras or a microphone unless he talks it out with Link, privately.

Especially not as a joke.

And he’s failed already, he scolds himself short after the Ear Biscuits episode is recorded and they’re both out of the room, heading back towards their office.

He thinks he could have just omitted it, shouldn’t have mentioned anything. It simply wasn’t necessary to mull over it again, even with the topic of the episode revolving around their college experience. It wasn’t a big deal, he said it himself, countless times. Every time they talked about it on the show.

So, every time.

There’s never been a conversation in private about that incident or anything that preluded it, never in the absence of people to entertain, never not around at least one recording device. Because why would there be? It wasn’t a big deal. A funny story, s’all.

He’s also never been able to just let things go, though, and thanks to that inability, the lore of wrestling and the “I’m dead” move had to live on. It was an innocent story, a funny albeit embarrassing one – their unofficial brand after all, an easy misunderstanding and a fun little anecdote, not his carefully curated version of what happened, nor a watered-down one, not just a part of the entire story devoid of any feelings associated with it, not a big deal-! And most of all, not… true. Not true.

Rhett isn’t sure if Link has been consciously going along with that wordlessly agreed upon version of what their UFC phase looked like, repressing the truth behind it, or… simply never realised what it meant for Rhett and genuinely thought of it as a humorous yet insignificant part of their friendship in the past.

Most likely the third option, he has to assume. After all, why would Link attach any meaning to it? It’s not like anything actually ever happened, not outside of Rhett’s mind at least. Frankly, he himself went decades without understanding his own motivations, more than once confused by why the memories of wrestling with his friend and laying on top of him felt both shameful and deeply comforting. Why even long after they grew up, stopped being kids, and as a result retired all their UFC moves, the only way he could describe what he felt thinking about that time was longing.

Until therapy happened.

Just like with many different things in his life:

There was something in the darkness, and then therapy shone a light on it.

It was like there were countless situations he navigated solely on instinct, without paying much thought to the reasons behind why he acted a certain way, and once therapy equipped him with the ability to do so, he unearthed an entire deep layer of feelings and emotions that were always there. Just hidden, even from himself.

The wrestling being one of those things.

So, he thinks Link doesn’t know.

And he’s finally determined to change that.

Why now, when he’s had so many chances to talk to Link over the years ever since he started being more in touch with himself? He doesn’t really have an answer; it’s just that after talking about it with such levity again, after repeatedly making a joke out of it, it feels like he might explode if he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t confess to Link what it was really like. And most of all, it feels like the yearning has become stronger lately, and the conversation yet again playing it all off as them being young and silly only ignited it, made the flame inside of Rhett burn brighter, threatening to make his heart combust.

“I need to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind.” Rhett says easily once they’re in the office. It’s not an unsure statement or a nervous plea with words tumbling out of his mouth before he can lose his cool and change his mind. It would have been all that and more a couple of years ago, sure.

But he’s a different man now. He’s not afraid to tell the person who’s been with him for almost the entirety of his life what he feels.

Link, however. He does look unsure, a bit alarmed even, when he looks at Rhett and responds.

“Sure-? What is it? Do you wanna talk now?”

It’s just like him to worry. Run a hundred different scenarios in his head, most of them negative, trying to prepare himself for every possible outcome of a serious conversation before it even began. It’s an anxious survival instinct that makes Link resilient to even the worst that life has to offer and able to face it all head on. But right now, it’s nothing scary. Rhett doesn’t want his friend to be worried, so he quickly says as much.

“Don’t worry, s’not bad. Just something we talked about on the podcast today.” The blonde sits down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him, hoping he appears to be as calm as he truly feels inside and that it might dissolve some of Link’s concern, still written all over his face.

The other man takes his place on the sofa and looks at him expectingly.

“Right. So-“ Rhett’s calmness doesn’t completely evaporate once Link gives him his full attention, but it’s suddenly laced with some nerves. “About the wrestling. You know, in college. And before that. And- Especially about my ‘I’m dead’ move. I’ve been thinking about it, and-“

“Rhett, I swear, if you made me sit down for a talk only to tell me you’d like to make it a part of our conflict resolution again, then ha-ha. Very funny. I’d like to go get myself some coffee now.” Link cuts him off with an unamused look in his eyes and almost makes a move to stand up.

Rhett is quicker though and grabs the brunette’s arm before he can really move, effectively making him stay in place.

“What? No. That’s not what I’m saying. Like, at all. I-“ He realises he’s still holding onto Link’s arm and instinctively wants to retract his hand, but that same feeling that led him to initiating this conversation in the first place makes him reconsider. “I’ve been thinking about what it all meant and why I did that, especially when we fought or you were angry with me, and-“

“Because we were young.” Link quickly answers what wasn’t even a question. “We had too much energy and neither of us really wanted to hurt the other by punching him or- or fighting in earnest. What else would it mean.”

“Link can you let me talk? I’m trying to say something important.” Rhett squeezes Link’s forearm. “So, as I was saying. I mostly did it when you were angry or I was feeling unsure, and I didn’t realise it back then, but- But I know now, that I just… needed reassurance. You know, physical contact.” He explains, looking straight into Link’s eyes and trying to interpret his reaction before it comes.

When nothing happens, and the brunette just stares back at him with a furrowed brow, he feels compelled to continue and elaborate.

“Like when people… hug after an argument-?” His brain almost challenges him to make a different comparison, presenting a parallel between laying half-naked on top of your best friend and another activity people often partake in to make up after a fight. But that’s not- It’s not what he’s trying to say. It’s not like that.

The face in front of him frowns in confusion, blue eyes squinting and mouth opening and closing again, only letting out a puff of air and no sound at first.

When Link finally responds, his voice is unsure, like he suspects that he’s not understanding something right. “Are you trying to tell me you wanted to hug me when we bickered, so you pushed me to the floor and laid on me till I was even angrier, instead…?”

That’s not fully what Rhett meant, but it’s close enough, so he nods.

“What the crap, Rhett-? You're not making any sense.”

“Okay, listen…” He decides to go for a different approach. “We still don’t hug after arguments. We never hug hello. I think I could count on my fingers how many times we’ve actually hugged each other as adults, outside of the show!”

“Yeah! That’s just not what we do! We’ve never done those things, it’s just not a part of our relationship- I still don’t know what you wanna tell me here Rhett.” Link throws his hands in the air in a gesture of resignation.

“I want it to be a thing we do, okay?! I always did, but I was afraid to ask for it so I just took what you could give me without talking about it. Can’t have actual intimacy? Make up a UFC thing so I can be close to you! Can’t hold you when I’ve made you mad? Better lay on top of you till you give up and have no choice but stop!” Rhett pauses to finally take a breath.

“That time that guy saw us- I’m sure you remember I stormed off right after-? I panicked, it was like him seeing us and thinking there was something else happening almost made feel like it was something else, and since I started it, it also felt like I wanted it to be something else. I got so angry at myself for even trying and I never did it again. I’m sure you remember that, too!” Words flow out of Rhett in a hurried and increasingly loud cascade, while Link’s eyes grow bigger and comprehension dawns on his face.

“I know how stupid it sounds. But you know how I was. We were well into our thirties when I still refused to get close to you. And it’s not that I didn’t want to, it was the opposite – I wanted it a lot, man.”

„But I thought...?” Link seems to be turning a thought over in his head. “I thought you just never liked it. That the wrestling thing was about you… asserting dominance. That’s what it felt like at least. Like you trying to act like an older brother or somethin’.”

“No- It was me wanting to be close to you and not knowing how to ask for it. My very convoluted way of expressing love, you could call it. And I’m sorry it took me-“

“What changed-? I mean, what made you wanna talk about it?” There’s urgency in Link’s voice when he cuts Rhett off.

“I… I realised I miss it. I told you, we still don’t really hug or get intimate, however that sounds, and I’m not gonna just topple you and pin you to the ground again. We’re too old for that. For once, I don’t think either my back or your shoulders would survive if we started wrestling every time I wanted to be affectionate. But also- We’re over forty, Link. What does it say about me if I can’t just ask a person I love and have loved for almost four decades to hold me when I need it and would resort to, well, aggression-? That’s not how it should work.”

Link ponders Rhett’s words for a few beats before opening his mouth again, only to let three breathy words escape. “You love me-?”

It seems like the wrong thing to focus on, Rhett just opened up to say he not only craves physical intimacy now, but also struggled with that same need when they were younger so badly, he had to invent an entire intricate system allowing him to be closer, and Link questions the one thing he knows already. Because of course he knows, Rhett’s said as much dozens of times, of course he loves him. But it appears he has to say it anyway, judging from the weird look in Link’s eyes.

“I do, of course I lo-“ The blonde begins, yet he doesn’t get a chance to finish and ask whether Link heard the other part of his confession at all, because at once, his mouth isn’t free to keep talking and there’s no air left in his lungs as the man who was just sitting right next to him plunges forward and collides with him, lips first.

Oh. Rhett manages to form one more coherent thought despite being startled and entirely taken aback. Link misunderstood. That’s why he got hung up on the love confession. That’s not what Rhett meant, that’s not what he was trying to say, it’s not like that-

He feels like he should clear things up as quickly as possible. Logically, he should be panicking, racking his brain for a way to straighten things up, to explain to Link that it wasn’t what he was trying to say without making things worse, without ruining everything and making his best friend feel miserable and embarrassed, until…

Until Rhett realises his body went rogue and started responding without his conscious decision, his lips are moving against the other man’s, one of his hands is cupping Link’s face, while the other strayed away and is caressing his back. And it feels like his heart is trying to break out of the ribcage with how hard it’s pounding in his chest, along with his stomach doing wild summersaults. And he’s not panicking, not at all. And it’s not a misunderstanding, how could it, when he loves Link with his entire soul, with his whole being- And exactly like that, it hits him. Starting this conversation, he thought he already understood everything, but he didn’t– there was still that last puzzle piece missing.

They come up for air, panting from the intensity of that first kiss, foreheads flush with each other. Rhett finishes the sentence he began before Link’s move changed everything. “Of course I love you.” He means it now, he means it exactly like Link took it and can’t comprehend how he didn’t think of it before, but it’s perfectly obvious now.

So he hugs Link. He encircles the man’s body with his long arms, squeezes, and holds him, feels his friend snuggle into him, nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck and breathe deeply, holding Rhett's larger body in return.

All he needed was ask for the closeness.

He asked, and he got it.

He got all he wanted and so much more.

So, so much.

[akaashisbabygirl]

i really enjoyed the scenarios about the hate comments on streams and was wondering if you could do the same for kuroo, iwaizumi, atsumu, kyoutani, and ushijima? i looked in your rules and didn't see if there was a limit on characters, so if there is just the first 3 are fine to choose from! thank you 🥺👉👈💖 i love your blog!!! you post some of the best content ive seen !

hate comments

pairings: kuroo x reader, iwaizumi x reader, atsumu x reader, kyōtani x reader, ushijima x reader

warnings: none

kuroo tetsurō

everyone who watches kuroo’s streams seems to have some sort of crush on him

it’s just the looks - everyone seemed to be attracted to him when they first saw him

so, one day when he’s streaming, you walked into the room to give him some food

and everyone’s like “who is this??”

and proudly, kuroo is like “that’s my girlfriend”

the girls on his stream wanted to see you - they wanted to know what you looked like

in general, this is the girl their crush is dating - they’d like to see what she looks like

so, kuroo called you back into the room, having you sit down on his lap while he streams

during his stream, he talked about you and how the two of you met - answering some of the questions that the girls were asking in chat

after the stream - he was looking through the comments

he saw some comments which he wasn’t happy with seeing - and stated to get even more annoyed, angry and upset with the comments and how they continued to come

the next stream, he pulled you back onto his lap, reading out some of the hate comments

he called everyone out, while his lips pressed kisses onto your neck and skin, calling out everyone for the comments they made - calling you perfect, and that no one should be saying otherwise

at the end of the day - kuroo is only in love with you, and he makes that very obvious now during his streams

iwaizumi hajime

when iwa started seeing hate comments about you on his streams, he started to get really fucking angry

he just wanted to punch something because he got so angry

iwa got angry because everyone on his stream seemed to have some sort of crush on him

he understood that - many girls in his high school seemed to be interested in him too, so it was nothing new to him

but, he was dating you - and he’s made that aware many times to the people around him, as well as mentioning that he’s got a girlfriend in his streams

he didn’t understand why someone would be so jealous that they’re not in a relationship with him, especially when he’s stated that he’s in a loving relationship already

he got sick and tired of having these comments appear on every video of his

“i don’t get how he’s dating her” “he needs someone better looking” “god he’s so fucking hot, but her... yuck”

he really didn’t want you to notice these comments as he didn’t want you to get upset over them

one day, he sat you down on his lap because he wanted your comfort during the stream - but he was a little anxious about you seeing these comments

after a while, you started playing with his fingers and his shirt, and from there, he realised that you had seen the comments

so, he decided to bring the situation up

“so, there have been some people who’ve thought it was a smart idea to make comments about my girlfriend...”

he addresses the situation, and will delete any comments about you that he sees - he will even threaten to take the situation further if it continues

atsumu miya

atsumu streams every now and then - it’s something he loves to do as he’s always playing some games

the girls on his stream became interested in him, wanting to know more about him

so one day, they asked if he had a girlfriend

and proudlg, he responddd with “yes”

everyone asked when they could meet you, because they were curious of the girl that their crush was dating

one day, he started streaming - his fans started asking about you, and much to their surprise, you walked into atsumu’s apartment

everyone was really shocked

you just walked into his apartment like it was nothing??!

the hate comments started pouring in

“bruh you really just let her walk in like that without even inviting her???” “yuck, i thought she would be pretty” “atsumu, what do you see in her?”

and from there, atsumu is just like “what the fuck are yer all saying?”

they try to explain saying you’re not the right girl for him, and that he deserves to be with someone else

“i don’t fucking deserve anyone else that’s not y/n. yer all don’t know what yer fucking talking about”

it made atsumu angry, and he stopped streaming for a while, because he wanted to spend some more time with you, especially after those comments he had been receiving about you

he just wanted to spend some loving time with his girlfriend before he got back to streaming

kyōtani kentarō

kyōtai gets really fucking angry when he sees that some people are already bad mouthing his girlfriend even though none of them have even met you yet

so, he comes up with an idea, thinking that if he showed you on camera, it may be a way to change everyone’s mind and opinion on you

so, he asks his viewers if they want to meet you

and since they all want to see you so they’re able to tell who kyōtani is dating, they agree

so, he makes a date for you to come and appear in one of his streams, which you agree to

because you’ve always been wanting to appear in one of your boyfriends streams

when the day arrives, he’s feeling energetic because he wants everyone to know how fucking beautiful you are

but gets pissed off when he looks at the chat for a second, and he can already see hate comments pouring in

he becomes really mad

he’s unable to concentrate properly on his games, which makes him almost break the controller he’s using

and you’re there trying your best to calm him down, because you hate seeing your boyfriend all angry like this

he turns to his stream, anger evident in his eyes

“and this is what happens when you all fucking speak your mind. she’s not anything you think she is. she’s way fucking better”

he’ll purposely leave his stream on while you comfort him, so everyone watching is able to tell that you are the only person for him

ushijima wakatoshi

ushijima was kinda hesitant about introducing you to his fan base

and that’s because he didn’t want you to be swarmed with hate comments

ushijima knows that people tend to get jealous when they see a guy with another girl, and he’s noticed some comments about other girls saying he’s cute and stuff

after being annoyed with all he comments about how other girls think he’s cute

that’s when he decided to introduce you to his fanbase

he thought everything was going well, until he saw a bunch of hate comments on his video, the same video he first introduced you in

there were comments saying “he doesn’t deserve someone like her” “she’s disgusting” “why does she look like that” “i don’t get what he sees in her”

and ushijima is sitting there like ???

because he thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, so he doesn’t get how everyone else can’t see that

he’s not someone who’s going to wait around and let these horrible comments about you continue to happen

and that’s mainly because he’s already sick of it - and he doesn’t want you to see them as he doesn’t want your feelings to be hurt

ushijima won’t have you in the room when he’s streaming, but he will be pissed off when he’s going off at his viewers

“if i see another comment about y/n on here that can even be considered as offensive, you can forget about me even streaming again”

after his stream, he explains to you the things that were said, but also tells you that he’s solved it

© all content belongs to akaashisbabygirl 2020, do not repost or change

[aio-rya]

"Give me a sign" — Leona x reader

One shot requested by: Anon

『Btw anon, I'm sorry I didn't have the Anon mode on until like two days ago.』

Days kept going on as [y/n] started being fond of everyone they met at NRC, specially the Braincell Squad along Epel, Jack and yeah, Sebek, who sometimes joined them too. Most of the time, when they were not causing trouble at their dorms, they gathered at Ramshackle for "studying". Though there was one day a week [y/n] used to sneak out, following Epel around to his Magift practice.

The last time they saw a game was when they were hit conveniently by the disc thanks to Grimm's movements, but [y/n] was not really interested on the game, oh no —those getaways were to see someone. Indeed, the same person why they lurked around Savanaclaw with Jack by the end of the day. And everything was fine until...

"What the hell are you doing here, herbivore?" the lion man asked behind them. [Y/n] froze right there, crouched behind one of the seats of the bleachers.

Did I forget telling that [Y/n] felt Leona doesn't like them? Well, now you know.

"I... Epel" they answered nervously and without context, putting a strand of their [h/c] hair behind their ear. "He forgot his water bottle and..."

"Tsk. Whatever you are doing here, do it fast and go away" he interrupted, rolling his eyes and passing by them as if that never happened.

And this was the day to day of [y/n] and Leona whenever they got to see each other. The matter was that he, Leona Kingscholar himself, felt sort of intimidated by the little human —why? He didn't know. It was sort of an allergic reaction or something, he felt his heart beat harder, his cheeks burning hot like feber, sort of a knot on his stomach and words flew away from his head.

"Hey, Kingscholar! I... Brought you these" [y/n] said as they extended him two special meat sandwiches from the cafeteria.

Leona turned around on his napping spot, looking at the human, then at the food and then, he turned around again, giving his back to the little one, who still held the sandwiches towards him.

"I Don't need them..." the lion said, and dismissed them with a movement of his hand, "Ruggie has already brought me something".

"I... I See" the human said, withdrawing his hand. "Then... You're gone. Again" they sighed while realising Leona's breath got a slower pace, he was asleep. There was nothing to do but leave; said and done.

Lucky was the big cat that they've already left when his ears twitched on signal that he was not sleeping, his eyes slightly opened, listening to the human voice with a trace of worry left behind. "It couldn't be sadness, or is it?" he told himself, turning to face the glass ceiling of the Botanical Garden with his hands behind his head.

"You really dismissed [y/n]'s food? They even fought with me for that since there were only three of those things left, ya'now?" Ruggie's voice snapped him out of his trance as the hyena threw a packed meat sandwich over his stomach. Then he heard a wrapper being opened as he sat down, looking at his friend at the moment he bite a sandwich —exactly the same like the one he threw at him a few seconds ago.

Ruggie realized about that and stopped, "What?" he asked towards Leona, still munching a piece of sandwich, when the lazy lion lifted a finger pointing directly to the food. "I'm not giving it to you" he stated in a possesive tone, holdingh tighter his food.

"It's not that” the dorm leader growled, “But... You said there were only three left..." Leona mumbled, unwrapping his food and starting to bite it too.

"Oh yeah, [y/n] gave it to me when I passed them back on the front gate of the Garden. They only needed one for his raccoon friend, even though, they got the other one for you” he continued munching while explaining the ruckus they caused on the cafeteria for those limited dishes. "Hey Leona!" Ruggie snapped his fingers in front of him "Are you okay? It's not like you to space out that obviously."

"I think I'm sick" he reflected out loud while making a pitch of his empty wrapper to the rubbish.

"I think you're lazy~ shishishishi"

"Don't go too smart" Leona shot him a wry look and sighed. "I think I'm allergic to that herbivore or something like that."

"What? C'mon, you're not serious" Ruggie sneered. Leona grunted, "Okay then, why do you think that?"

"Because..." He turned away, aware of his blush. "When [y/Ln] is near, my chest aches and I feel as I wanted to cough; also my stomach feels strange, as if I were hungry but also anxious? And there is this thing on my face... I run a fever every time that herbivore is near...."

"Buuuut~"

"But I like its smell. Or its presence" he finished with nothing more than a whisper.

"I see!" the hyena almost shouted, starting the lion, "You love them."

"Another joke like that and you're gone" he stared at Bucchi, angry but ashamed.

"Oh man... I'm just being honest" the blonde shrugged starting to walk away, "do as you wish but be careful. I don't how for how long [y/n] is going to bear you."

"Maybe he was tired", Deuce tried, quietly.

"Told you", Ace seconded him. "He's just like that, you cannot change him and... Have you thought that maybe he just doesn't like you? I mean like... Around him as he do with anyone else?"

"He was nice once" [y/n] tried to bring as an excuse, "After the Blot thing, he was someway nice. But... I did something wrong?"

Jack shook his head, "You should forget him. He's not the one, and I'm sorry about this but Ace is right..."

"Can I record that?" Trappola laughed, trying to open the camera of his phone.

"Shut up" Howl snapped, joining the laugh while hugging the little non-magic human between them.

"I think I can handle it. I mean... Nothing lasts forever and this little scratches heal with time" they tried to smile, eyes teary.

"Hey, we're here!" Epel cheered, "if you need to cry, to talk or you just want to mess around a little, call us!"

"That's why I call you my friends" and finally, the genuine smile appeared, "I'll sleep on it, I swear".

And both of them did: Kingscholar and [y/Ln]. Unfortunately, they reached two very opposite conclusions.

The little herbivore began to let go of their feelings, now they were no longer around Savanaclaw or the Magift training or even on the third years classrooms, they were free. Of course it still hurted whenever someone mentioned Leona, or at the Dorm Leader meetings or even when he was lurking around the cafeteria. Specially the last one was odd of the lion, and everyone around him noticed —even Vil started asking around what in hell happened to him.

"Ah, Ruggie-san" he said with velvety voice.

"Prefect Schoenheit" blonde hyena answered.

"Is Leona okay? He has been... Nicer than usual"

"Ah, you too. In fact, he's not really fine. His heart is about to break" Ruggie said, a bit worried as Vil gasped, not as an act but in genuine surprise, "his herbivore grew tired of him..."

Well, you see... Since [y/n] started getting rid of their unrequited love, Leona accepted it. And now it hurted so bad every time he got to see his herbivore: there was no "H-hey Leona..." or "Hello Kingscholar!" or any kind of cheerful greetings, everything tuned into a cold "Good morning/afternoon, Prefect Kingscholar", "Excuse me, Prefect Kingscholar" —they even stopped bumping into him, no more visits to his napping spot at the Botanical Garden and even when they got to Magift practice, Epel will always arrive alone. The knot in his stomach and the fever on his cheeks turned into a harsh pain on his throat and a burning heat on his eyes.

Meanwhile, Braincell Squad and first years club was proud, their little human finally was free and not depressed by the mistreatment of the Prince.

A couple of months passed until one evening, after clases, [y/n] made their way back to Ramshackle when heard someone sobbing, that scared them since Epel was having a hard time. By following the noise, they bumped into Leona and immediately tried to avoid him, but the lazy lion was not that slow; he walked quickly and grabbed their shoulders.

"Please, stop avoiding me" he said, not bothering on hiding the trembling of his voice.

"I... I am not" they said slowly, "Pref--"

"Don't" he grunted painfully, "Come back to call me Leona with that lively loud voice. Wake me up from my naps again, stare at me in the hallway so I can stare at you when you look away..." He sobbed again, weakening his grip, about to let his arms fall, "I... I am sorry."

"Why... Why are you apologising?" they asked, turning around to face him.

"Because I treated you so bad, and I... Thought I had an allergic reaction... To you" Leona whispered, [y/n] giggled.

"As far as I know, you cannot be allergic to a human" then they caressed one of Leona's braids, he stared at their [e/c] eyes, a pale gleam reflected on them. "It's fine, don't worry. We can still be friends".

He shook his head and caught them between his arms.

"I have denied it for too long. You deserve more, I was so mean, but I don't want to be just a friend" he explained tenderly, burying his nose on their hair, aspiring its sweet perfume.

"Leona, I'm not sure--"

"Just give me a sign..."

Silence. They just stayed like that, holding each other, [y/n] biting his bottom lip as Leona rubbed their back. When he finally was ready, understanding the situation and letting go of them, he got interrupted by a hold on his collar.

Then, a soft, sweet and warm pair of lips slammed against his.

It was a kiss full of fear and sadness that slowly turned into a gentle one. Full of untold feelings that tangled and finally were silently confessed.

"Is this enough?" the human asked, caressing his lover's cheek.

"It is more than enough... My loved herbivore".

—・ Φ・—

I melted with Leona's soft side, I don't know where I got the inspiration but I felt this took too long. Hope you like it too!

«Please do not repost or translate without permission»

[ok-you-goose]

House Warming Gift ~ Dolan Twins x Bestfriend!reader

“Y/n!”, you stirred in your bed sheets, “Y/N, WAKE UP!”, you were able to bury your head below the pillow just before your bedroom door was pushed open. “Y/n, come on! I know you are awake”, Grayson walked closer to you, resting a hand on your bare shoulder as he tried to pursue you into waking up. 

“What?”, you asked with your sleepy voice.

“Show yourself to the camera”, this time Ethan tried to drag your sheets off your body, your duckling pyjama shorts on view. 

“What?”, you almost yelled, sitting straight up as your pillow fell on the floor. It had barely been a full week since you and the twins moved into the new house, you were astonished when they asked you to move in with them, claiming that they had made sure --when looking for a house-- that there was a room and a bathroom for you. 

At first you weren’t fully convinced, you were afraid to be a burden --even though you had basically grew up with them-- and it didn’t feel right. But after a lot of convincing, saying that they wanted you here, needed you even --because your twenty minute trip to your apartment was too long--, you finally said yes. After all you basically lived in their other house too --sure it was the spare bedroom for guests-- but you appeared in almost every single video with them. Fans loved you because you had been with them since before they moved to LA and you were basically the Dolan twins too. 

“We have something to show you”, Ethan said capturing your every move with his camera. Grayson hoisted you up from the bed and settled you on your feet, his hand never leaving your back because you were still pretty asleep. 

They dragged you to the living room, a single box wrapped in pink paper settled  in the middle of the squared rug. “What is this?’, you mumbled styling your hair into an awfully messy ponytail. “Open and see”, Grayson said, his excited smile making you slightly anxious. 

“Is this the house warming gift you guys were talking about? Because I told you I didn't want one”, you began to complain kneeing on the ground, the boys had given you so many things --happiness in your life as it is-- that it sometimes felt impossible to repay somehow. 

“Just open it, please”, Ethan said. That’s when the box moved, stopping your eager hands and placing a shocked look on your face. How? The idea of a little animal waiting for you popped in your head just before you drew it away, you where fully aware that Grayson was allergic to animal fur. Where you dreaming? Boxes don’t move on their own --or so you thought.

“What the hell--?!”, you said lifting your head to look at the boys, Ethan bit his lip trying to hide a smile. So you opened the box, an amused sigh escaping your lips as you were greeted with a little puppy with a wiggling tail; a curly brown fur; small nose and fallen ears. Indeed it was a puppy. You grabbed it carefully and brought it to your chest. 

“How--? Why would you guys do this?”, you asked glancing towards your two best friends, Grayson sat next to you and gave the dog a slight pet. The small creature could barely be two months old, you could hold it with just one hand. 

“It’s your house warming gift”, Ethan said. 

“But Grayson is allergic”, you began with a frown just before the younger twin sneezed, you pulled the puppy closer to you at an attempt to protect Grayson from the itching. 

“Well, yeah. However we’ve contacted a doctor who’s been giving Grayson a treatment to reduce fully his allergy. So far it’s been working, we have been planning this for over three months”, Ethan explained behind the camera. “Besides he’s a ‘poodle toy’, they barely lose any hair”, Grayson said. 

“You’ve been doing a treatment?”, your voice was almost inaudible. “Hey, don’t cry”, he said brushing off tears that you hadn't even realised they began to form on your eyes, “and yes, I’ve been doing the treatment, and incredibly so it’s been working. I spent almost an hour playing with him before we woke you up!”, he exclaims with a smile, “I’ll admit the treatment hurts a little, had to get a couple shots, but it’s so worth it.”

Before he could say something else you pulled him in for a hug, the small puppy in between you, and you promised that you would never let these two boys go. 

“You like him?”, Ethan asked when you broke the hug, Grayson’s hand still resting on your shoulder.

“I love him!”

“Well, now you’re definitely out-numbered.”

[fitmydaydream]

Lazy Mornings

Prompt: Just some morning fluff about you fancying Shawn while he's asleep.

Word Count: 1.4K

A/N: Hey fellas! This has been sitting in my drafts since forever so I finally decided to post it. A little nervous about this one but I really hope you guys like it!

You always admired the mornings because you've always been an early hours kind of person. Seeing the sky fill with light filled you with new hope to start the day afresh. Lazy mornings were something which were never on your list but being with Shawn made you feel like you had to prioritize them over the early ones. And why wouldn't you? You would kill to have those few extra minutes of closeness with Shawn which you've always craved for being more frequent because he was on tour for almost seven months of the year. His tour has finally ended and he'd come back home. The way his face beamed of joy when he saw you at the airport and engulfed your body in an almost suffocating embrace the other night was something you couldn't get off your mind.

The alarm clock hits the time and the sound fills up the quiet room amongst the light snores from your man, which were the only audible thing in the room and you loved waking upto that. 

Groaning, you shut the alarm off. Mentally cursing yourself over forgetting it to turn off the last night because when Shawn's home, you prefer not to get woken up by anything else other than Shawn's immaculate morning kisses, one of the little things about him towards which you've developed your love for. Shawn wasn't among one of the cheesiest boyfriends you would categorize him into. He wouldn't bring breakfast for you to bed because he said it would be a total displeasure spending his time cooking rather than investing that time with you in bed, smothering you with kisses and holding you close. But he was one of those kinds who would rather have a takeaway and drive you to the beach in the early hours of the morning because watching sunsets with a picnic basket were too mainstream. That was who your Shawn was. Being the sweet spice in your life.

But today you'd decided against waking him up because he needed rest after finally coming back home after a long stretch of work. 

Pulling the covers off from you, you walk towards the window to pull the blinds off, hissing at the sudden cold hitting your bare legs. Sunlight flooded in once you tucked the blinds away and climbed back to your shuffled bed. A thin ray of sunlight hitting your boyfriend's face as you rested the weight of your body on one arm to take in the beautiful sight. You were so invested in him that it didn't even came into your realisation the moment your free hand was gently tracing his eyebrow. The sunlight spilling on his face, painting his face in a new shade of golden. The lashes forming a shadow beneath, adding to their lushness. The pad of your thumb now moving across the bridge of his nose all the way through the eyelids. Your index finger tracing the depth of his cheekbones bringing a frown upon your face as the sudden increase in their deepness. Meanwhile, a tiny cold wave of air brushed past your arm, making you retreat your hands from Shawn's face and covering your body with the sheets.

The sudden loss of contact might have been noticed by Shawn in his subconscious sleep because the moment you pulled your hand away from him to tug up the blanket of yourself, his hand found his way to yours and putting it back to it's place. A smile plastered on your face as you thought of him having his presence of mind while you were adoring his morning beauty.

"Oh did I just wake someone up?" you asked him in a cooing voice followed by light giggles.

"You might have disturbed my beauty sleep love" Shawn stated in his raspy morning voice.

"Well then I guess I'll have to keep my hands to myself. I sure as hell don't want my boy to sacrifice something which could be a compromise to his beauty right?" you joked in a light tone, dramatically pulling your hands away from him and trying to get out of the bed.

Shawn was quick to respond. To your surprise he wasn't as lost in his sleep as you thought he would be seeing his past sleep schedule. His arms were quick to wrap around your waist and withdraw you back to where you were before. His fingers danced around your tickle spots, as he started to place himself above you. 

"Shawn! S-Stop. I am n-not escaping any-ymore!" you muttered in between your laughs, holding onto his arms in an attempt to stop him. 

"How can I trust you my lady? Huh?" His hands now on both of your sides as he hovered above you.

Your arms found its way behind his bare back, holding onto him, pulling him down in an effort to close the distance as much as possible. Shawn dipped his head, placing his lips at the corner of your lips while a smile played at his. He started placing chaste kissed along your jaw, your hands tugging at his messy curls. 

"Just what I missed" you hummed against his skin. You'd missed his gentle touch, how he would play around with his lips all over your face, kissing each and every spot. 

His lips now connecting to yours, moving in a rhythm. Your hands travelled to the nape of his neck, blandly scratching the area which earned a moan from him. His teeth drew at your bottom lips, mildly pulling at them.

"God Y/N baby I missed you so much. I can't wait to do this all day for a while now." He finished as he pecked your lips.

"I didn't know I can be that irresistible sometimes which is a good thing" you beamed at him. 

"I wasn't finished yet. So I was saying I can't wait to do this all day just so you can play with my hair and put me back to sleep because you messed up my sleep this very morning. No offence meant." he mumbled nestling his head into the crook of your neck. 

"All offence taken." You stated acting like you were hurt, placing a hand over your chest.

"I think I can take care of that." He said as he raised his arm to take something from the side table. You couldn't figure out what it was until it was in his hands. 

Shawn was holding a Polaroid camera in his hands. He sat up and focused on you. You were completely startled at to what he was doing. As an instinct, you had your arms cover up your face.

"Shawn Peter Raul Mendes you better put that camera down. I look like a utter mess and I'm not to be messed with" you warned him jokingly, because you knew when he took your pictures at random moments. According to some plausible theory of his that he feeded in your mind, these pictures made him feel better at anxious times as he was reminded of everything that he shared with you. The closeness he craved to have, the love and the intimacy which he had with you to look forward to at the end of the day, got him through the tougher days. The nights he would come to you, being quieter than usual due to a stressful day at the studio, you would gently lay down with him without putting up any question. His head on your stomach and your hands in his hair, gently scraping his scalp making him doz off to sleep.

"Baby please. You know how much I love taking photos of you." Shawn begged you with his one eye popping from beside the camera and even though you could see his mouth, you were sure it'd turn into a pout. Five seconds and that face was all what took him to convince you.

You removed your hands from your face giggling at his innocence and at yourself over how stupidly you were head over heels in love with him. This was the type of connection and intimacy you've longed since long. 

After snapping a few shots, Shawn pulled you onto his lap, hands on your lower back while placing a sweet and lingering kiss onto your forehead.

"Look at you being all smiley today" he whispered against your skin.

"Yes because I was thinking of you the whole time" you replied, a visible grin spreading across your lips.

Feedback is forever appreciated. Let me know if you guys enjoyed this one! Thank you for reading <3 MASTERLIST 💕

[monochrome-in-madness]

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My Top 10 Favourite Horrors

Within this top 10 list, some will include the prequels, sequels and any other follow ups as 1 ranking number. Some may be considered thriller, sci-fi, suspence etc, however, I do regard these as horrors myself.

I have take many aspects into account, such as videography, actor quality, SFX makeup quality, soundtrack, directors, CGI etc.

Note : this is my personal opinion. You do not have to agree with it, though if you haven't seen these, I highly reccomend them.

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1. The Conjuring

(1 & 2)

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The Conjuring 1 :

The Perron family moves into a farmhouse where they experience paranormal phenomena. They consult demonologists, Ed and Lorraine Warren, to help them get rid of the evil entity haunting them.

The Conjuring Trailer :

The Conjuring 2 :

Peggy, a single mother of four children, seeks the help of occult investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren when she and her children witness strange, paranormal events in their house

The Conjuring 2 Trailer :

My Opinion :

The Conjuring was the start of an incredible series of horrors that beat any other horror to the ground. It is absolutely fantastic and I basically worship these films. James Wan is my favourite director and he never ceases to amaze me.

Paranormal horror is my favourite and as someone who actually believes in the paranormal and who has had paranormal experiences, I can confirm that The Conjuring is much more realistic than any other paranormal films, which just makes it extra spooky.

The actors, camera angles, music, sfx makeup and storyline is just - chefs kiss -. I've been waiting for the 3rd one for so long, but they keep extending the release date. (R. I. P)

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2. Annabelle

(all of them)

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Annabelle :

John and Mia Form are attacked by a Satan worshipping couple, who uses their doll as a conduit to make their life miserable. This unleashes a string of paranormal events in the Forms' residence.

Annabelle Trailer :

Annabelle Creation :

Samuel and Elle embed their daughter's spirit into a doll, only to realise it is a demon. Years later, they open their home to a nun and six orphan girls, one of whom finds the doll.

Annabelle Creation Trailer :

Annabelle Comes Home :

Judy and her babysitter are left alone in her house after her parents leave to investigate a case. However, an unexpected guest sets Annabelle free, unleashing demonic activity in the house.

Annabelle Comes Home Trailer :

My Opinion :

Another great film series that was birthed form The Conjuring. Definitely less realistic, with many more jumpscares and spooky characters, which is appreciated in the horror world. Many people find dolls far more creepy than ghosts, myself included, so that's another perfect aspect that adds to the suspense.

I prefer Annabelle 3 over the others, mainly because I found that one to be more scary overall, even though Daniela is an idiot and she makes me so frustrated 😂

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3. Saw

(all of them)

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For the totally unindoctrinated, the Saw movie franchise revolves around the Jigsaw Killer (a.k.a. John Kramer), who tortures victims he believes are complacent or guilty, in order to make them appreciate their time on Earth.

All Saw Trailers :

Obviously I'm not going to list every Saw movie, because there are 7 (Jigsaw aka number 8, does NOT count. It is a disgrace).

My Opinion :

A classic for horror and gore lovers of all kinds. Of course I need to list this as number 3. I simply adore these movies. I even have the DVD set, so I am definitely a long term fan haha.

The obstacles and creativity regarding Saw as a whole needed a lot of thought put into it, plus it has a happy little side note of "make sure you don't cause harm to others in life and don't take anything for granted" which some may have not even noticed while being overwhelmed by the amount of fake blood.

Yes, a lot of characters are annoying, but that just makes us enjoy seeing them tortured even more (shh it's not real). Some of the blood doesn't look very realistic, the sfx can lack attention, BUT... It's still great and I can overlook these few flaws to appreciate the movies to the max.

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4. Blair Witch

(2016)

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A young man and his friends venture into the Black Hills Forest in Maryland to uncover the mystery surrounding his missing sister. Many believe her disappearance 17 years earlier is connected to the legend of the Blair Witch.

At first the group is hopeful, especially when two locals act as guides through the dark and winding woods. As the night wears on, a visit from a menacing presence soon makes them realize that the legend is all too real, and more sinister than they could have ever imagined.

Blair Witch Trailer :

My Opinion :

I love the camerawork. Not because it's perfect, because it's the opposite. It's a documentary style and this makes it feel more realistic, as if you are within the film yourself. I enjoy how they skip to the action at just the right time after a mild buildup.

The visuals are great as well and there were definitely some parts where I was disgusted and claustrophobic, which is good to experience while enjoying these types of films.

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5. Under The Skin

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Disguising itself as a human female, an extraterrestrial drives around Scotland attempting to lure unsuspecting men into her van. Once there, she seduces and sends them into another dimension where they are nothing more than meat.

Under The Skin Trailer :

My Opinion :

I would classify this as horror, but many won't. Either way, this is an amazingly artistic film with beautiful imagery and silent awe. It definitely makes you feel the suspense in a calming manner and it has some really dark moments. Without reading the description, one might be confused as to what is going on, but how art is supposed to be interpretated is by the imagination of individuals.

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6. Veronica

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During a solar eclipse, young Verónica and her friends want to summon the spirit of Verónica's father using an Ouija board. However, during the session she loses consciousness and soon it becomes clear that evil demons have arrived.

Veronica Trailer :

My Opinion :

A Spanish masterpiece, to put it simply. It's hard to find proper horrors like this in English. I really enjoyed this one and I watched it subbed not dubbed, because I feel like voiceovers tend to ruin the art of the original film. The buildup is perfect and unlike many horrors, it barely shows you the face of the "monster". That leaves it to the imagination, which in general makes it far more scary.

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7. Underwater

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Disaster strikes more than six miles below the ocean surface when water crashes through the walls of a drilling station. Led by their captain, the survivors realize that their only hope is to walk across the sea floor to reach the main part of the facility. But they soon find themselves in a fight for their lives when they come under attack from mysterious and deadly creatures that no one has ever seen.

Underwater Trailer :

My Opinion :

This movie was released quite recently and I didn't know what to expect. I was definitely blown away by how good it was. Being trapped underwater gives most people a sense of anxiety. Add being trapped underwater and being hunted by creepy sea monsters and you've got yourself a good horror. Kristen Stewarts general anxious personality definitely suits this film well.

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8. Split

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Kevin, who is suffering from dissociative identity disorder and has 23 alter egos, kidnaps three teenagers. They must figure out his friendly personas before he unleashes his 24th personality.

Split Trailer :

https://youtu.be/84TouqfIsiI

My Opinion :

An incredible film with phenomenal acting on the part of James McAvoy. You can get lost within his character and almost feel as if you are the character itself. Suspense is built up slowly and the climax of the film is released rapidly. People I know who do not enjoy horror, love this film themselves, which is saying something. It's definitely one of the best modern films that draws you in from the start. 

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9. A Quiet Place

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A family struggles for survival in a world where most humans have been killed by blind but noise-sensitive creatures. They are forced to communicate in sign language to keep the creatures at bay.

A Quiet Place Trailer :

https://youtu.be/WR7cc5t7tv8

My Opinion :

As you can tell by now, I love anything alien related. This film has some of the most amazing looking aliens I've seen, I was honestly in awe by how great they looked. Another silent film, but in a different sense to the previous one. Instead of being the hunter, this family is being hunted and this adds more to the fear factor.

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10. Unfriended - Dark Web

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When a teen finds a laptop with a cache of hidden files, he and his friend discover that the previous owner has access to the dark web and is watching over them.

Unfriended - Dark Web Trailer :

https://youtu.be/XenTM_C9fxM

My Opinion :

A modern take on horror. Involving the actual dangers of the dark web and the use of technology and turning it into a horror was a magnificent idea. It definitely had me at the edge of my seat.

Due to another film type that is not often explored (thus being that most of the movie is equal to what it would be like to look at your computer and video chat), it makes it different and therefore more compelling than the usual videography styles.

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Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far! Feel free to share your top 10 in the comment section, I am definitely interested in your opinions and finding new movies to watch myself. Any questions are also welcome.

Until next time, take care and stay spooky!

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[whimsicalphotographer]

An air ambulance was circulating round my street about 5 o'clock and it disappeared after a while, over the park not more than two minutes from my house. I thought that was it and I wouldn't see it again.

However, my Dad asked me and my brother to walk the dogs so we did and I and my camera in case the helicopter reappeared. We weren't going to go in the park because it was about 6 o'clock and there tends to be druggies about in the evening.

So anyway, we heard this noise and it sounded like something loud, maybe a big machine. I wanted to know what it was but because I'm a big scaredy-cat, I was like nah we should'nt go in the park to see what it is. But my brother said we should. And I was like 'but I don't want to die!'

So I followed my brother into the park and the noise got closer and louder. And then I saw 2 helicopters and I was speeding past my brother hoping to get some good shots. The park near my house has like trees and paths and stuff but part of it is just a load of flat grass and that's where the 2 helicopters were.

There were lots of people and I was anxious to get a good spot away from everyone which I managed. One was just taking off when we got there and the other one set off a minute or so later.

And I was taking loads of photos but I was aware there was a police officer walking about 3 meters or so in front of me, to my left. So I put my camera down because I am wary about having people in my photos. He realised he got in my way so he stepped back and smiled. So I gave him a thumbs up to show my appreciation. Haha I was so scared. I thought he might tell me to stop taking photos (I think my camera makes me more noticeable than someone using a phone) but he didn't and I'm so glad because I just... I'm at a loss for words I am so excited.

After the second one took off we walked back home and I couldn't stop blabbing to my brother about how great an opportunity that was and the policeman moving out the way and everything. Then I phoned my sister even though I was only a minute away from home. And I was probably being so loud and so many people will have heard me 😳😂 I was way too excited about some helicopters.

We got home and my Mum told me people had been saying it was a stabbing. Others saying someone had amputated someones leg. I don't know what really happened yet though.

If anyone reads this, thank you. I know it's a long post but I needed to let it all out 😂

Stay safe xxx

[n3verending16]

you were good to me - Oikawa Tooru x Reader

So, this is my first ever fanfic! Aah! Writing this was 100% a daunting experience for me, but I largely enjoyed writing it (posting it tho? *rapidly spams space button to align lyrics with the middle* *posts* *formatting is completely off and i have to do it all over again* *screams*). If you have any constructive criticism/ formatting tips, please comment it or send me a message ʕ •́؈•̀ ₎

Not requested, but certainly inspired by all the other oikawa x reader writer-chans out there (and a good friend of mine, yejin if you're reading this ily smkamsjskamssjk)!

caitlin and cindy ily too uwu

Based off "you were good to me"

All credits belong to their rightful owners

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Lying, isn't better than silence

"I don't love you anymore."

Oikawa Tooru could feel the bitter aftertaste of his own words to you that night.

Floating, but I feel like I'm dying

One year later, and he still couldn't break off the chains that anchored him down every time he jumped for the ball in a match. He couldn't fly like he used to, the guilt in his gut pressing him down every time he looked towards the stands and you weren't there, cheering for him as you usually did. It was his choice, his fault. And he regretted it, although he wished he didn't.

Still, no matter where I go

At the end of every road

You had always been there for him before, whenever he felt he wasn't good enough. The gentle caress of your fingers through his hair and your soft eyes peering into his own chocolate irises had helped him get over the loss of the match and focus on getting even better than he was. On particularly harsh days, you sang him to sleep, the dulcet tones and lull of your voice relaxing him as he passed into a gentle slumber.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

You had always been understanding of him whenever he ended his practice sessions late. You never asked for his time, knowing his passion for volleyball burned brighter than anything you'd ever seen before, and you wanted to support him. You hugged and congratulated him with a smile on your face when he won, and you comforted him when he lost, but most importantly, you were always there in his life. A constant he could trust, someone he could rely on, someone he could love. He'd been thankful for it. And yet, when he saw the successful application to the Argentinian Volleyball Team, he was hit with the truth. Oikawa was moving to a country on the other side of the world, and things would've gotten so much harder for the both of you. You deserved someone that was so much more than him, someone who would hold you at night, someone who could go on real dates with you, someone who could, and would, put their own time away for you. As much as it hurt him, he knew for your own good, he had to let you go. So he did it the way he hoped would hurt you the least.

I know it's easier to run

After everything I've done

Cut it off. Keep your emotions away from this. This is what's best for them.

"I'm moving to Argentina, and I think it's time I tell you something..."

"I don't love you anymore. We should end things."

You were good to me

Yeah, you were good to me

He still hears your quiet sobs that night sometimes.

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Leaving, isn't better than trying

You'd spent that night lying on the couch, crying to yourself over your boyfriend who'd just walked out on you. What had you done wrong? Were you still not good enough for him? As soon as you had began to stop, reduced to sniffles, images of his silhouetted back as he walked out the front door and the cold glint in his brown eyes as he said the words that broke your heart flashed through your mind made you start bawling all over again. Had everything that had happened between the two of you been a lie? Had your presence in his life not mattered to him as much as his presence in yours?

Growing, but I'm just growing tired

You would've liked to say you were a different person than you had been one year ago. You would've liked to be spiteful and show Oikawa Tooru, international volleyball star, that you had outgrown being lovesick and was now independent and successful, with people who truly loved you. You would've liked to tell yourself that you were so, so much better off without him. But that was a lie, and you were not one to lie to yourself.

Now I'm worried for my soul

And I'm still scared of growing old

You had, honestly, tried to get over him though. You'd made yourself pass out from drunkenness only to wake up the next morning with a pounding headache and the incident more ingrained into your head. You'd busied yourself with cooking, gaming and knitting, and when that hadn't worked, considered a one-night stand from an overly amiable guy you'd just met at the corner café, after deciding against it when one of the girls standing in front of the window outside sent you two a deathly stare. You'd stacked all of his belongings and tried to burn them, until you realised your shaky hands couldn't start the lighter properly.

Even if you had forgotten him for a while, a dull, grey, reprieve from the emotions in your head, it wouldn't have been for long; the memories were everywhere. There was the book he'd accidentally spilt his bubble tea in when you snuck up behind him. There was the somewhat-lopsided drawer, a result of when it got stuck and he'd tried to force it in anyway, ending up in the sides breaking. There was the red christmas mug you'd gotten for him; only to realise he'd given you the exact same one, but green. The small bin in your room was full of milk bread wrappers. Even the study desk in the corner reminded you of days where he would try to draw something cute for you- you'd laughed and told him he had all the time in the world to improve.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

That had clearly been a lie. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to believe the words he'd said to you before he left a year ago were the truth. You had been sure that your relationship was pure, built from the ground on trust and a mutual understanding of each other- you'd respect his love for volleyball, he'd respect your desire to work harder in your career. Sure, he didn't sound like he was lying, but he was THE Oikawa Tooru- a man who held his confident and flippant façade up to the spotlights, letting the light shine on him however he pleased. You needed to know the truth, and like a burning question at the back of your mind, it never disappeared- before you contacted Iwaizumi Hajime, his best friend and your former close classmate, who told you "It was about time you knew the truth". You were glad to have heard those words.

After having a long conversation with Haji (most of it was you cussing), you wanted to hug Oikawa and punch him at the same time.

One decision led to another and the next day, you were standing on an airplane one year after the breakup with a plane ticket clutched in your hands, and a ticket to the Argentina vs Spain match folded up neatly in your purse.

"Try to let him off easy, yeah? He hasn't been at his best ever since he left you. I think he still regrets it."

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And I'm so used to letting go

But I don't wanna be alone

There's noise in the stadium, filled with the audience's cheers and camera shutters going off, but drowned out by the silence in his own head. Oikawa lines the ball up to serve, watching the other team, analysing their positions. "Where should I hit?" he thinks to himself. This is his chance to take another set against Spain. If he misses this one, they will have lost the match 3-1, and it would've been his fault. He can't let that happen. The whistle blows, the ball goes up, and he's doing his jump-serve again, feeling the chains around his feet ready to snap taut like always.

But then amidst the bright lights, among the screaming crowd, he sees a flash of white and teal. Time seems to stop, and he floats in the air.

Was't that his Aoba Johsai volleyball jacket from high school? The one that he'd left behind at your house?

At first, he dismissed it quickly, thinking it was another die-hard fangirl who had one made or maybe even someone from his old team, because no way in hell could you be here right now watching him play when he'd walked out of your life and caused you so much pain and heartbreak one year ago. But then he saw the black purse, with a delicate pink floral pattern and gold highlights. The one he'd gotten for you on your birthday. He meets your wide eyes, your name is on his lips as he stares at your form.

But time moves again. And he grunts as his palm makes contact with the ball, making it fly into the corner and the other team turns and gapes at where surely there was a dent in the ground from the impact. They'd taken back a set, the score was 2-2. His team cheers wildly around him. The commentators rapidly fire off about the service ace- something he hadn't been able to do for a long time.

He's still staring at you in mid-air, but then he falls, meets the ground, his legs give out from under him and everything blurs.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

You stare, lips parted as he collapses, slightly rising from your seat from worry. Had his knee gotten any better from before? Would he still be okay? Surely everything he'd worked for couldn't just end from a fall... but you realised if it did, it would've been your fault. You were, after all, the one who distracted him. Something punches you in the gut as you watch him get up, and he looks at you, the expression on his face one of pure shock and something you can't quite decipher. He keeps his eyes on yours as they shrug on his national sports jacket and carry him off, and you stare into his milky chocolate irises until the doors close behind him. Then you're pushing yourself through the crowd of seated anxious girls to find him again.

God only knows where our fears go

Hearts I've broke, now my tears flow

Oikawa finds himself in the hallway staring at the azure blue sky outside the window as a flock of birds soars past. The medics fuss over him, lifting his mildly sore leg and checking it once, twice, and he absentmindedly nods at their questions. There's a commotion at the door at the end of the hallway and he hears your muffled, strained voice. "No, please! I need to see him... you don't understand..." Eyes widening, he lifts himself up and hobbles over to the door at the end of the hallway, ignoring the protests of the baffled medics and guards. He puts his hand on the handle of the door and pushes, finding you arguing with a guard on the other side of the door. He hears his name from you, your voice giving him comfort. He smiles, albeit a broken one but still, a genuine smile, before he falls, his knee giving out again.

But this time, you're there to catch him.

You'll see that I'm sorry

Cause you were good to me

You were good to me

You hold Tooru as he sobs onto your shoulder. His tears cascade down his face as he clings to you, and he knows he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve you. Why had you tried to find him, after he broke your heart a year ago? You realise you're crying too when your vision blurs and all you can sense is the warmth from his skin on yours, his smell filtering the air around you. You take a deep breath in, honey vanilla with slight mint curling into your nose. People awkwardly stand by as they watch the reunion, mindful of the emotions and rawness in the air but also aware of the need to relieve pressure from his leg a bit. Eventually, someone bites the bullet and Oikawa sits down against the wall with you on his right. "You came here from Japan." Tooru hoarsely whispers. "Why?"

Before you could answer, the door opens and his teammate pops his head in, taking note of the people standing uncomfortably around.

"Hey Tooru, are you gonna be able to play?" he speaks in Spanish. He takes sight of you, a girl he's seen somewhere before, sitting next to his friend, and pauses.

"Wait, isn't that the girl on your wallpaper? I thought you said- never mind." He carefully speaks in broken English.

"Anyways, coach says if you're still fine we can send you in." You blink as Tooru puts his arm around you, a pout evident on his face. "I'm pretty sure I'll be able to play (the medic nods along in agreement), just give me a few moments." he answers. His teammate hesitates, nods, and closes the door. Tooru turns his head and rests his head on your shoulder, his fluffy brown hair tickling your neck. You nearly want to cry at what his teammate just told said. "Oh, Tooru..."

"You still haven't answered the question," he tells you. "Iwa-chan must've told you that I left because you deserved more than someone who couldn't be here for you. I don't deserve you, y/n-chan. You deserve to be happy, and... I'm not the one." He tucks away your air behind your ear. "But now that you're here, I can't help but want to be selfish. I want us to be together. I still want you."

You can't help laughing quietly at him, the little pout forming on his face again. "Oh Tooru... you wanted me to be happy. And you thought leaving me so brashly would achieve that? You forgot one very, very important thing." You lean into his shoulder, and play with his calloused fingers.

And now I'm closing every door

Cause I'm sick of wanting more

"If I'm ever to be truly happy..." You tell him, shifting yourself so you're cupping his soft cheeks and looking into his chocolate eyes. "Then you are, absolutely, essential in my life." His heart leaps, soaring at your words. After all that time, you still...

You tut at the dreamlike, adorable expression on his face. "C'mon, Tooru. Don't cry on me now. You've still got a match to win, don't you?" He breaks himself out of his reverie as you lightly pinch his cheeks, and grins ear to ear as you begin to move back to the stands. "Wait, wait." He shrugs his volleyball jacket off his shoulders and hands it to you. "Wear this over that, I want everyone to know you're still mine." You rolls your eyes at his childish request, "Your fangirls are going to kill me, I swear," but comply nevertheless. He's still smiling as he watches his oversized jacket swish around at your mid-thigh as you walk towards the doors. Anything else could come after the match, but for now, this was good enough for him.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

For the rest of that match, for the first time, Oikawa Tooru flies. They do eventually win, 3-2. He's never felt more ecstatic as he pulls you in happily, kissing all over your face and handing you his Most Valuable Player award as you giggle from his childlike antics. The reporters rapidly take note of everything and theres a collective groan from the gaggle of fangirls somewhere, but it's you and him both in your own little world.

Swear I'm different than before

I won't hurt you anymore

Life goes on. You fly back to Japan, with a promise that he would never shut you out again. Sure, you would've preferred it if he was next to you, but you called and messaged each other so frequently that you found you had little to worry about. In rare spaces of time, he flew back to Japan to meet family and friends before spoiling you on dates, decorating your house ("Hey, we need to retake this photo! I'm even better looking now!") or cuddling on the couch together. Every relationship had its downsides, and long-distance relationships were even more a pain, but you were more than ready to take the troubles on if it meant you could still see his smiling face through the messenger call at 1am in the morning.

And you knew this time, he wouldn't stop you from trying.

Cause you were good to me

[lapeaudelamemoire]

Can't recreate this one photograph exactly - which sounds like a duh moment, except - I'm so goddamn stubborn.

Sometimes I forget just how far everything's progressed - the more we move towards perfecting something, the more perfect becomes a pursuit.

Back when they'd first started making photos - they wouldn't have had more than a few shots, laborious and difficult, experimenting, no way of really knowing for sure how a photograph might turn out, still tweaking, still learning.

Now a hundred shots digital, easy. Not even like instant photographs; one shot and that's that. Now every photograph for post and processing; now every fear of losing data, information. I'm thinking of how learning to shoot film would have been like losing so much data, unintentionally - overexposing something, wasting half a roll of film.

Now I want to save everything. Now every RAW file, looking to see how a shot looks in the little LED screen that pops out and twists round from the back of the camera.

Ran out of space on my memory card, so I changed the settings to save it in the highest .jpg format, thinking, better to have something than not at all.

And then I got a shot. A perfect shot, a good shot, a shot I loved.

Cue scrambling to recreate it in a RAW format; freeing up space frantically to get it again.

But... why? I got the shot. If this had been a Polaroid, the shot would have printed itself out, and that'd be that. There's no need for editing, I like it as it is. If I'd been shooting film, this would be it. This would have been it. No idea what it looks like until I sent it off to the nearest developer, wait a couple weeks. Nothing to be done by that point except get it back, find out, love what I have.

But now, now I see it, I see it and think, wait, I could have it even better, anxious because - it's in a lossy format? - so I want to do it again.

But the moment's gone, everything has subtly changed, the light's shifted, or I can't see to angle my head the exact same way, I got up and off the chair, no longer in the same place, not holding. I can only get as close as possible - but why am I trying to do it again? It's right there. I haven't lost it. I had it, and still have it.

Never satisfied any more. It's like lamenting my favourite picture of M and I - lamenting because it's not better quality, that I didn't take it on my phone's camera app at the highest quality, because I took it on the messenger app instead and so it's grainier, noisier, less smooth. But I love it. But isn't it better to have it than not at all? But isn't it just good, great, even, to have it, no matter in what form(at)?

Still white-knuckled, clutching, afraid to let go, afraid of not being good enough, afraid that something isn't perfect; afraid of the ever-approaching 'next thing', better thing, that will displace, topple, make obsolete; afraid of being replaced. This rigid set anxiety on being invulnerable, indisputable, beyond criticism or question - my own insecurity rioting through me and streaking my every waking action.

It's so awfully ironically apt - this self-portrait that I am agonising over for nothing but its format quality, nothing the matter in the photo at all, that I love - that I saw, loved - and at once wanted more of, as if it wasn't right there and perfectly fine and enough, how my first reaction was to see a lack, immediately to say 'but... it could be 'better', 'more''.

But it just is. It exists now and that's the moment, that's what it gave. I didn't do something else. If I'd stopped when I realised I'd run out of space and didn't switch out the format, just turned the camera off. If I'd gotten up and cleared something out to make more space. Would I have gotten this picture? Would it have come or been given me, at all? Maybe it just wouldn't exist.

Am I not - is this not - just nitpicking?

It all sounds so much like how - 'you're perfect, but'.

Why am I trying to make something into something it's not?

If this had been fifty years ago... there'd be no arguing, no questioning. No altering it, just is. A physical negative, a physical print, the moment a moment, that exact moment, indisputable. Maybe a bit of fiddling in the darkroom, but otherwise what's there is just what's there - not so unlike the moment I clicked that shutter on a lower setting. If I had taken this on an instant print camera - I'd have it, the one shot, and I'd have to just go on my merry way.

The more we come closer to being able to manipulate something - the more obsessed with this final perfection. Every filter on a photograph. Every tweak in post-edit on a body. Every smoothing out of every crease every elimination of some 'undesirable' gene or perceived disability (I'm looking at you, eugenics, and trying to breed out things like autism).

I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid of hearing, expecting to hear, having learned to anticipate that - 'You're great, but...', and its silent unsaid thing '...but still not good enough.' Or how, later, the absolute revocation of that said half, 'You're great,...' but - then the doubling over, how the words don't match up with the doing, how the sound doesn't sync with the mouth's movements. How there's always another rat hoop to jump through, another requirement to meet.

Yeah, so it's great, 'but'. Yeah, so it's right there, 'but it isn't something more than what it is.' The bar keeps moving, like some kind of rigged arcade or carnival fair game.

I've been having trouble with 'what I want' lately. I haven't felt like I know, except that I keep expecting to be a finished work; that the refrain on repeat is 'I'm not there yet.' It's just another way of being stuck on tomorrow, eyes stuck to something always just out of reach, unreachable. I, I have become the donkey, the carrot dangling in front of me, never coming closer, no matter how much I walk toward it.

The thing is I can never hold tomorrow in my hand. The thing is even when I finally breathe my last, there will be uncountable things that I still will not have done. I could live forever and still lament not having seen the pyramids be built.

I thought we'd had this talk, M and I, in a manner of sorts.

Why do I mind so much, my hands numb and losing circulation, and still I, still I'm.

When did I stop being enough for myself. When did this world, this moment, stop being enough, when everything can become 'not enough'.

When did I look at a glass full of water and think, 'That's not really full, there's still half a centimetre to the brim'?

[benenjoysmovies]

Critical Assessment (FN2)

Forget Me Not

My roles within our group were Editor, Camera Assistant and Sound Designer. I felt comfortable in all of my roles except for in Sound Design. It is a role for which I have little interest nor experience but was willing to do if nobody else in my group felt comfortable with it, however, I do feel as though it was communicated to me too late the extent in which I would be taking up this responsibility.

Feedback

All of the feedback that our group received in the crit session, while fairly harsh to hear, was more than fair. One of our biggest criticisms sadly pertained to one of my roles, specifically being that the audio was simply too quiet to the point of being inaudible. While most of the dialogue was able to be heard, sadly none of the efforts I had put into other sound design was able to be acknowledged because of this issue.

One point given was that some of our shots framed Ailbhe in an odd way, either being too tight or cutting her off almost entirely, with the main two culprits being our OTS and our MIDS. Throughout post-production these shots were the bane of my existence, especially given how long our film lingers of the MIDS, but sadly this was necessary as we simply didn't have enough coverage of the majority of the film. This was made worse given that what extra footage we did have was specifically tailored to certain lines of dialogue where it felt rather jarring to place them in the edit.

Another very valid criticism was the lack of a clear communication of our films narrative. There were many issues throughout production which likely had a hand in this glaring problem with our film. This issue greatly affected the impact of the ending of our film which came across to those watching it as comedic, which had not intended.

However, some positive feedback that we received was that our actors performances were reacted to positively (when they could be heard haha), and many of our close ups were received rather well.

Feelings on the Feedback

All in all I felt our feedback was largely negative, but was deservedly so due to the very prominent issues with our film which my group and myself were largely aware of as the crit grew closer.

A large issue which I must take responsibility for was the shoddy sound design. I feel as though this could have been so much better if it hadn't been for my reluctancy to approach lecturers for assistance. Throughout this trimester I had been trying to bother lecturers less with simple issues as I did not want to get off on the wrong foot with anyone for intruding on their work with problems I could fix myself in time. I feel as though this worked as I learned to use Avid with minimal help, however, by the time I was fully trying to use pro-tools I had left it too late for help and the easter holidays had arrived, leaving me to do the sound design alone.

This easily could have been avoided had I not been so anxious in the face of approaching lecturers who I realise are only here to help us. This has taught me a valuable lesson in actually asking for help when I'm aware I need it rather than exhausting all other options first. Sadly, this was simply a case of me letting my inane worries get the best of me and I do not intend to let that affect an aspect of my films as important as sound design again.

As well as the sound design issue, most of us in the group were also aware of the complicated narrative of our film. In my opinion this was likely an issue from the very beginning. As a group we spent far too much time pinning down the idea and I feel like that process as well as a switch in writers last minute led to nobody being on the same page about the exact plan of our narrative structure.

Utilising Feedback from Tutorials

As previously mentioned I was disappointingly rather apprehensive in approaching staff for assistance throughout this module and have learned a valuable lesson from it. Especially given that what feedback we did receive was very reminiscent of the feedback that was to come at the crit. There was a lot of hesitancy around the idea of our film and how well we could pull it off which in hindsight was fully fair. I feel as though if we had utilised more feedback as a group we could have done significantly better.

Group Collaboration

In early pre-production I feel as though our group openly communicated very well, with everyones thoughts being heard on most topics. While we struggled to nail down an idea, ultimately, everyone was still very involved in that process. However, as time went on, while communication stayed relatively open, many suggestions or ideas were very quickly shut down by our director. The film became increasingly less of a group process and more about her specific vision of the film.

While I understand that a directors voice must be heard and taken seriously, I feel as though this is no excuse to shut out almost all feedback from your crew as ultimately we are in our first year of uni and this is a group process.

Many ideas were shut down without any consideration which I felt could have greatly helped our film in the end. Some issues that had been brought up and shut down were the lack of control over lighting in the room that had been chosen, how static both the camera and characters were, the lack of any distinct colour palette (which I feel wound up fine in the end but had not been considered) and the lack of hinting towards the ending leaving the entire film seem confusing, to name a few.

Other than this main issue I feel as though our group communicated fairly well with everyone being aware of what stage we were at every step of the way.

What Have I Learned?

The biggest lesson I have taken from making this film has been to as for help when I need it, and to not fear approaching lecturers as it will only lead to a worse outcome overall.

As well as this I have come to understand the true importance of collaboration which I had taken for granted up until this point. I now understand how truly vital it is for every group member to be heard and for their suggestions to be fully and fairly considered before they are dismissed.

Another lesson learned is to be prepared even for breaks on set. Our production was greatly slowed down by the amount of time our breaks took as we never knew what our plans were for them. One lunch break took two hours as certain members of our crew ordered food online over half an hour after the break had begun.

Lastly, I have learned you must try to view your narrative from the eyes of an audience member. This is vital to ensuring your story is not only engaging, but that it makes sense as well.